Could Kristen Wiig be any funnier? Nope. In this new teaser for Zoolander 2, she appears as Alexanya Atoz, head of cosmetics at the House of Atoz. Her “labia-tory” (!) is cooking up a new super-hydrating Youth Milk, made of milk (we assume), and “hydrating chemicals from desert flower cactus”, plus “water from all-natural street puddles in Indonesia.”
This new Youth Milk will take you “back to when you were a baby, but not as stupid,” and “soaks into your skin like a spiiiyonge.” Her accent is mind-boggling! We’re obsessed. Where do we sign up?
Lady Atoz isn’t the first babe to boast an obsession with milk: Charlize Theron stayed majestic by taking milk baths in Snow White and the Huntsman; Cleopatra bathed in sour milk; Cindy Crawford admits to using a milk/water spray on her face throughout the day, and she still looks 25, so we trust her.
That’s because there are real beauty benefits (jokes aside) to milk—here, five ways it can beautify your skin.
1. Brightens Dark Spots
A quick mask (milk blended with clay, for example) can brighten your skin and even out dark spots: the lactic acid present in milk is a form of alpha hydroxy acid (AHA), which evens skin tone. The good news about milk? It won’t strip or burn, because it’s full of balancing fats. Try this: DIY Milk Masks
Milk is a natural moisturizer—the fat content rejuvenates and rebuilds skin, without leaving residue. Oilier skin types are better served with buttermilk, dryer with whole-fat regular. Try this: Kate Somerville Goat’s Milk Moisture Cream ($65)
3. Exfoliates (Gently)
Milk also contains beta hydroxy acid, and along with those alpha hydroxy acids, it exfoliates your skin without grit or manufactured enzymes, which can be harsher. If you want to up the exfoliating factor, mix your milk with a little oatmeal. Try This: Buff Her Milk & Honey ($35)
4. Cleanses & Tones—Perfect For Sensitive Skin
The small fat particles in milk work almost like micellar water to collect dirt and unwanted oil from your face: using a cotton pad, swipe to clean—this works even for people with extremely sensitive skin. Try this: Korres Greek Yoghurt Cleansing Wipes ($15)
5. Softens Hair
Hard to believe, but the moisturizing qualities in milk—combined with the high fat content—can relieve an itchy, dry scalp (#winterproblems). It will also up the shine factor of your hair while keeping things flyaway-free. Try This: Archipelago Botanicals Milk Shampoo ($13) and Carol’s Daughter Leave-in Hair Moisturizer ($12)