Colonics: Curious, Creeped Out, and Finally Converted

Because sometimes you just need a full-body power wash.

Let’s be honest: colonics have always felt like the dark horse of wellness treatments. Part detox ritual, part weird spa mystery. Are they helpful? Harmful? A Goop-era scam disguised as self-care?

And yet... if you’re a woman of a certain age, you know exactly where this is going. The “high colonic” scene from L.A. Story (1991) lives rent-free in our collective subconscious: Steve Martin on a date with Sarah Jessica Parker’s rollerblading wellness pixie, SanDeE* (yes, with an asterisk). They don’t go for dinner. They go for a colonic. In Venice Beach. Because... California.

I’ve been colonic-curious for years. Booked an appointment once, then bailed in a panic while practically holding the treatment room door open.

But last week? I finally did it. And friends… wow.

I lost two pounds. My stomach was flat. My digestion? Glorious. I totally get why the Gwyneths and Cindys swear by it now.

So here it is - my full flush report. What it felt like, my step-by-step experience, what to expect during a colonic, and expert answers from the legendary NYC colonic queen herself, Tracy Piper. (Warning: some details are behind the paywall because, well, this story goes very deep and very detailed.)