I Guess Kate Winslet And I Will Never Be Friends
My unsuccessful experiment in aging naturally
I have been raw-dogging aging for the last 18 months. And by that I mean no Botox, no filler, no baby botox. No “just a sprinkle.” Nothing.
This is the longest my face has gone without “assistance” since I was 30 years old. That’s when I first started getting light botox to prevent crow’s feet. At the time my then husband forbade it. I went anyway and he never noticed. Only many years later did I tell him. I always went to great doctors in New York who mastered the art of masterful injections.
But, this is the first time in 17 years that my face has been left to its own devices.
Can I do this? Can I return to my original, factory-installed face? Can I sit in the discomfort long enough to learn something?
It’s been just me and the slow collapse of my facial scaffolding.
Honestly, it’s the bravest thing I’ve ever done. Don’t laugh at that statement. Forget, startups (thank you Forbes), or international moves. Try looking in a 10x magnifying mirror with zero injectables for over a year and half in your late 40s. Yikes. That’s character development.
Why did I do this?
Science?
Spiritual growth?
A misplaced sense of morality?
No.
Because Kate just told The Sunday Times that cosmetic procedures are “terrifying” and then proceeded to trash Botox and the people who use it like it personally offended her.
The Sunday Times writes:
“What really upsets Winslet is not ‘all the f***ing actresses’ but the rest of the world, ‘people who save up for Botox or the shit they put in their lips.’ She screws up her face to show me lines to prove she ‘hasn’t got anything in it.’ Then she squeezes the backs of her hands, making creases around her veins. ‘My favourite thing is when your hands get old,’ she beams.”
Okay, Kate.
I, meanwhile, have been putting “shit” in my face for years. Joyfully, might I add. And I hate seeing my hands get old. I moisturize my hands like they are rare museum textiles.
So yes, I guess Kate and I will never be friends. But for the record, I think Kate looks absolutely gorgeous.
This comes back to this age old question, why can’t I be a cool feminist type but also want to do cosmetic procedures? Why are these in conflict? I love Kate. I have never met her. I saw her once at dinner at ABC Kitchen. She was at the table next to me. She is gorgeous. But I guess if we ever met socially, we can never be friends. Ever.
So I did this experiment to see if I could be so bold like Keri Russel or Kate or Christy. ‘Cause not everybody’s doing it and I love that we have so many role models that aren’t.
I have seen Christy several times in New York and she is so stunning. But I am not so blessed with a supermodel bone structure, maybe that’s why it’s easier for her to say how awful cosmetic surgery is?
Turns out the answer to all of this is: I just couldn’t do it. And here is what I learned.
First, can I age “gracefully”? Do I have it in me?
As I mentioned, I wanted to see if I could be one of those brave women that can age naturally. A nod to you Christy Turlington, Jamie Lee Curtis, Julianne Moore, Kate Winslet, Keri Russell, Meryl Streep… I am sure there are more I am missing. I absolutely love all of these women. They all have publicly slammed injectables and plastic surgery.
Note: I left a lot of women out of this list that claim to do no injectables and have never had a facelift but we all know better. That’s another article. Just stop it Kate Beckinsale.
The women I listed above are all so gorgeous at all stages of their life. I could not be more obssessed with how gorgeous Julianne Moore was at age 37 in Boogie Nights to how stunning she is today. Or how gorgeous Keri Russell was in her Felicity years to now the same age as me in The Diplomat (I love this show).
With all these amazing role models aging gracefully, why can’t I do it? It’s not like there aren’t role models out there for me. So, can I become this older woman who wants to see the lines on her face and the hooding of her lids? That’s what I wanted to know.
I tried. I failed. I don’t have it in me. Does it really all come down to societal pressure? I would argue no. But many women would argue yes.
I don’t judge their decisions to age naturally, so why do I feel judged for my decisions to fight it?
I recently read this substack article where the author writes “I just entered my 30s and here I am mentally budgeting for a facelift I’m not even planning on getting. But that’s how fast this stuff gets in your head. That’s how easy it is to get swept into the fear of not looking 35 forever.”
So yes, am I function of that? Probably. But I would argue it’s so much more than that. That is simplifying it. Also, I hate getting judged by beauty writers that are 30 years old. Again, I’ll touch on that in another article. I have massive rant to unleash on that.
My second reason for going cold turkey: if I can’t hack aging naturally, I want to go in at my worst for surgery.
Enamored by all of the gorgeous facelifts happening for women now that are subtle and undetectable, I decided it was time for me. In the past, I would never have thought I would go in for a facelift. Never. Ever. But the techniques now are new and different.
When I was 30 or even 35, I would have sworn up and down that I would never get a facelift. Terrified by all of the bad facelifts I saw then and I continue to see. So, is that why Christy and Kate and Keri all hate facelifts? Because they look bad or because they erase lines?
Excellent facelifts are now available. With undetectable work. That did not use to be the case. And despite the doctors charging hundreds of thousands for facelifts, there are many doctors that are 5 figures and do gorgeous work. Have you seen Dr. Patrick Davis in Beverly Hills for example? A friend of mine just had a face and neck lift with him and she looks so natural and gorgeous.
I thought, it’s time for me. But’s let’s see how I look with all tools down. The real me. Then I can make a true decision. And if I decide surgery is for me, at least I can go into surgery looking my worst.
A few surgeons told me that this was a good tactic. And honestly, it has helped me get to a place mentally where I know I am ready. It’s been a good exercise.
The aging cliff
Several doctors have eloquently explained to me that when your face ages there are cliff points. This is not something I ever knew before. And I am experiencing it first hand.
I thought aging was a gradual decline. No. And I can tell you from experience this is absolutely not true. I feel like in my early 40s I was holding it all together quite well, but the last 2 years its been a sharp, sharp slope.
When it happens it happens fast. It’s not my imagination.
“Aging cliff points” refer to key ages, primarily around 44 and 60, where significant, accelerated molecular and cellular changes occur. Earlier research suggested ages 34, 60, and 78, newer Stanford studies pinpoint the mid-40s and early 60s as major inflection points for molecular shifts, affecting organ health and disease risk.
The Cut recently did a great story detailing age 44 as a cliff. So the intense aging I have felt and seen over the last 24 months is not absolutely not in my head.
What I did discover by going cold turkey was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I do see all of the downturns now. And it impacts my mood dramatically. And this is the point I would make…the desire to fix things on your face has more to do with vanity.
Aging physically changes facial features (wrinkles, fat loss, bone shifts), which alters how we perceive emotions. This can often make older faces seem less clear or more ambiguously expressive. What I have learned is that Botox and filler is an emotional infrastructure. When you’re used to looking “fresh,” when you’re used to smoothing things every four months… removing it can feel like taking off a stabilizer bar.
Going cold turkey forced me to meet myself again. The actual 47-year-old version of me who exists even if I’m not micromanaging her. It gave me a new baseline. A new point of honesty. It also made more clear the downturn of the smile (this is a big one for me), the droopy brow, the saggy jowls.
A friend of mine who is 3 weeks out post facelift and a similar age, remarked at me that the most glaring post op realization is how much better her mood is. Her eyes are more open and her smile more apparent.
She looks great and even her kids did not notice she had surgery, but a tiny tweak of a facelift has completely changed her emotions day to day.
So, why is this shamed?
So, if Kate Winslet wants to martyr herself on the altar of “aging naturally,” that is all well and good. Truly. Go with it.
But here’s my question: why is makeup okay? Why is hair color okay? Why is estrogen okay?
Kate herself said on a 2024 podcast:
“Women have testosterone in their body. When it runs out, like eggs, it’s gone. And once it’s gone you have to replace it… and you’ll feel sexy again.”
So… aging naturally includes hormone replacement therapy, but not smoothing your “11s”? Where exactly is the line?
Kate can replace her missing testosterone, but I can’t replace my missing facial fat?
Why is HRT considered noble, but a little structural support in my mid-face is considered vain?
Charlize Theron’s viewpoint is much more aligned with mine (even though I’m 99% sure she’s denying a facelift). Sit in a meeting with any top plastic surgeon and they will tell you how many celebrities deny facelifts that have had facelifts. A lot.
But at least Charlize, while denying her facelift, says women should do whatever the hell they want with their faces and bodies. In a Yahoo Beauty interview, she said:
“Men age like fine wines and women like cut flowers. I despise that concept… but I also think women want to age in a way that feels right to them.”
Exactly. Hooray!
So dear Kate Winslet - if I ever run into you at dinner again in New York, I sincerely hope my subtle, undetectable facelift that turns back the clock a decade doesn’t make you mistake me for a woman in her 30s.
Because that would be so embarrassing.