My Aging Cliff and How Dr. Mark Murphy Fixed It

Photos inside. Gravity got aggressive. I responded.

I thought aging from 40 to 50 would be gradual. A soft, elegant transition. A gentle dimming into wisdom. A few tweakments every few months, some Botox, a few lasers, a touch of filler, serums making wild claims, and onward we glide.

I certainly did not think I’d ever be someone seriously considering a facelift. That was for other people. Richer people. Braver people. Housewives with glam squads and suspiciously tight ponytails.

But then 45 hit.

And I fell off the aging cliff.

This was a steep and rude takedown that came with absolutely no warning. One day you’re minding your business, the next day you look like a jowly chipmunk and your eyes have hollowed. I started to see a permanent scowl staring back at me and I looked like I had not slept since 2010. And no amount of salmon’s fruitful sperm could fix it.

I feel like from age 35 to 45 I looked relatively the same. Sure there were a few lines and wrinkles appearing each year, but it wasn’t a major shift. At least I didn’t notice one. And it wasn’t anything I couldn’t address with a trip to the dermatologist’s office.

Then the reckoning hit. One day I looked in the mirror and felt like a woman accidentally opening the front-facing camera after two margaritas. Except I was stone-cold sober, which somehow made it worse.

Specifically I saw it in my neck and jowls the most. And I felt that my brow was just heavy. And as I said to many of the doctors in the consults I did, I didn’t look “happy” anymore. I looked grumpy. I have talked about the facial feedback loop a lot in my articles. And the impact was getting more and more real by the day.

The Cliff Conversation Is Legit

What shocked me most was learning this wasn’t just me being dramatic. There is growing conversation around what many women describe as the aging cliff. And it’s a scientific fact.

New York Magazine recently discussed “The Cliff,” both physically and mentally. Mamamia also ran a great piece on ways to soften the blow of the dreaded cliff, noting that it is completely different from perimenopause. You will be moderately happy to know the cliff comes for women and men alike. Dr. Shereene Idriss spoke about it on a podcast tour. Here is a great clip of Shereene on Mel Robbins where she discusses this phenomena.

In the more than 10 consults I did, I heard many, many doctors discuss it. So what I am saying is, it’s not something that is up for debate. Everyone agrees on this one. And while some might suggest there are ways you can avoid it, you can’t really avoid it. It comes for all of us.

I have been doing all the things since I was 30. You know…Botox, Ulthera, weight lifting, yoga, eating right, even colonics, but nobody outruns the dreaded cliff. Unless you are Charlize Theron and her super powered red light.

The first cliff usually begins in your mid-40s, often around age 44, and it can involve significant shifts in how the body processes fat, alcohol, and caffeine. This period often shows accelerated changes in skin and muscle.

The science of this dreaded cliff is backed by a 12-year Stanford Medicine study tracking 108 people aged 25 to 75. They found that aging does not happen in one slow, steady line like we’re told. It comes in waves. The first major shift around 44, and another around 60. I will be more prepared for that one. And I am already strategically planning for facelift number two around then.

Why I Decided To Attack The Changes Surgically

It was this cliff that completely changed my mind about moving ahead with a facelift. And I wanted to show you my cliff, why I changed my mind, and why I ultimately chose a fully nuclear surgical response. One that included 400 stitches.

I do admit, I did raw dog it for a while and this may have made my cliff fall a bit harder. But once I realized what I was doing was no longer moving the needle, I wanted to stop everything and go straight to surgery. I’m now 12 weeks post-facelift with Palm Beach plastic surgeon Dr. Mark Murphy. I am so ecstatic with my results. I cannot thank him enough for such a natural result and an amazing healing journey.

Getting a facelift is an exercise in vanity that Kate Winslet and 114 heated commenters on my Substack would clearly disagree with. But I don’t. And if someone gets a great jawline, fabulous breasts, or a neck that suspiciously stopped aging, we should be able to talk about it openly instead of pretending like red light masks and hydration did all the heavy lifting.

The decision to move ahead with surgery was a long and stressful one for me, as I know it is for many women. It was not only about finding a great doctor that I felt completely comfortable with, but also about pulling the trigger on a surgery you absolutely do not need and that many people will try to talk you out of. Mentally, that is a lot.

I have had so many women reach out to me not only about the experience itself, but about the guilt that comes along with moving ahead with something so purely “in vanity,” and of course the anti-feminism taint that can come with it.

For me, I would much rather buy myself a facelift than a Birkin bag. Am I right? Aren’t both acts of superficiality anyway? At least one I get to wear on my actual face every day. Both are luxury purchases tied to appearance, but the cost per wear of my facelift is significantly lower. Women are often praised for buying status symbols and shamed for buying confidence. I digress.

What The Cliff Looks Like

In the spirit of full transparency and honesty, I wanted to showcase not only the aging cliff but some before and afters from my surgery with Dr. Murphy. So, I am making this Substack post completely free.

I will do a more detailed photo centric article showing a day by day count of surgery. That will be exclusively for all of my dearly beloved paid Substack subscribers. So if you have not subscribed yet…. what are you waiting for?

I don’t take many photos of myself. I barely have any across my life. My phone is 50% dogs, 25% travel and 25% and houses. But I dug through everything I could to find when my cliff happened. I’d place it around the start of 2024. I was 45. Enjoy.

I think I look the way I did at 40. This was a purely restorative surgery. I’m not trying to turn myself into a Kardashian. But as grueling as the decision was, it has made me so much happier. Does that make me vain? Probably. But the heaviness in my lower face that was dragging down my mouth is gone, and my brow looks like it has finally found joy again.

Now I spend less time in the mirror and more time living my life. I feel lighter, happier, and more like myself. I wear even less makeup, throw on some Jones Road Beauty Miracle Balm, a little concealer, and go. It has impacted my mood for the better. Dramatically. If that’s vanity, then frankly, I recommend it.

For those who wanted to know, I got a deep plane face and neck lift, fat transfer, and a temporal brow lift. I opted out of the upper blepharoplasty and lip lift that Dr. Murphy recommended, as well as CO2 laser. I was so nervous prior to surgery, and huge thanks to Dr. Murphy for handling my extreme nerves, that I took a few things off the list because I wasn’t sure I could mentally handle so much at one time. And given I don’t have a traditional job, I felt it would be easy to add those on later if I changed my mind.

Nearly 3 months post-op, I wish I had done everything Dr. Murphy recommended.

Maybe next year. And I’ll be sure to write about it here. If you have questions, please DM me on social or email me. And don’t forget to subscribe for all the really fun photos I’ll publish soon.