The Price Is Wrong: The CELINE Baseball Cap

Saving you $630. What to buy instead.

Quick disclaimer: this is a major divergence from my usual content.

Normally I’m writing about facelifts, peptides, celebrity faces, and the psychological warfare that is aging. But recently I’ve developed an irrational fixation on certain luxury fashion items that I simply cannot stop thinking about.

Not because I love them. Quite the opposite. I despise them.

Part of the reason these items bother me so much is that I hate wasting money on things that don't earn their keep. I love spending money on things that improve my life: Travel. Extra time. Cool Tom Ford eyeglasses. Experiences. Self-improvement. The perfect rosy miracle balm. A facelift that puts a pep in my step.

But when people spend exorbitant amounts of money on items with little functionality, no style, and no real return on investment, I scratch my head. Actually, I get irrationally annoyed. Lately, I seem to see purchases like this everywhere. I am not sure if this is a broader cultural issue. I think Instagram has simply convinced an entire generation that expensive automatically means stylish.

Have luxury fashion houses just been taking the piss these last few years, or is there a new class of wealthy consumers that simply doesn't care about spending money thoughtfully?

First up on my list: the CELINE Baseball Cap.

Why I Hate The CELINE Baseball Cap So Much

I have such a strong aversion to this hat that I genuinely think it may affect our friendship if I find out that you own one.

The CELINE baseball cap fascinates me. It's less a fashion item than a social and marketing experiment.

Somewhere in a conference room at CELINE, I imagine a group of executives sitting around asking: “How little can we do and still charge $630?” I really think somebody said out loud at a meeting, “Should we bulk order baseball caps from Shein or TEMU and then print a giant logo and just see who buys it?”

The CELINE baseball cap feels like the fashion equivalent of someone yelling their own name at me during a conversation. And yet I see them in Central Park, at airports, at brunch, at luxury resorts. And I cannot help but judge the person wearing it. I want to yell back, “ The price is wrong! Just wrong!”

My broader issue with the CELINE baseball cap is that is has no intrinsic value. There is no remarkable design. No obvious craftsmanship. No real creativity. Certainly no resale value. And perhaps most importantly, it tells me absolutely nothing interesting about the person wearing it.

What it does tell me is this: you really wanted everyone to know you spent $630 on a baseball cap and that you absolutely love the new CELINE logo.

Fashion should be a really interesting expression of self and a great piece of fashion says something about the wearer. Our fashion presents our taste, our personality, our sense of humor, or how we move through the world. And while I am generally not a judgmental person at all, in fact, not being judgmental is one of my superpowers, this particular fashion item tests the outer limits of that claim.

If I see you wearing any CELINE baseball cap, I immediately start making assumptions about you. I don’t want to, but I do. The hat tells me you might be incredibly boring, remarkably susceptible to marketing, and potentially pretty bad with money, or some combination of all three.

Fashion journalist, Christine Morrison, fellow substacker of Writing in Black and White, and author of Clothes Minded: Fashionable Essays About Finding Yourself says, “What's ironic is that a baseball cap is usually the thing we throw on when we don't want to be seen (it's the perfect disguise for bad hair days and school drop-offs), yet CELINE has turned it into a $630 billboard. When I see one, I don't learn anything about the woman wearing it, only that she wants me to know she's wearing the brand.”

What to buy instead

You can’t get more classic, cool, and economically savvy than a ‘47 New York Yankees Hat. They are $36 on Amazon. I wear them in brown and green. It’s all I wore after my facelift to cover up swelling.

Even Kim Kardashian wears them, although in Navy and of course the LA Dodgers version. You can buy that one on Amazon, also for $36.

Let’s do the math: You can buy 18 of these hats for one CELINE hat.

And if you’re wondering whether it matters which Yankees hat you buy, it does. Get the ‘47 brand version. I’ve tried the knockoffs and the fit isn’t as good and the adjustable strap matters more than you’d think.

By the way, I am beginning to like the Kardashian clan more these days. Kim K. admitted to wearing fake Birkins, Khloe just came clean about some cosmetic procedures, and Kris did admit to her facelift albeit I wish she would have released her medical photos.

If you don’t want to wear a sports hat? Aimé Leon Dore baseball caps are all chic and cool and only $65. You could throw a dart at the Aimé Leon Dore hatwear section and get a cool one for under a $100. Personally, I love the Unisphere green and white hat.

Christine’s favorite cap is an economically savvy piece of New York history, “My favorite baseball cap is this Barneys New York one. It reminds me of the glory days of the retailer and the joy I always felt going there to explore. It’s become a conversation starter as people stop and share their own Barneys stories; we end up talking about taste, memories and fashion history.” Also, it’s less than $50.

For my CELINE-loving readers, I’m not knocking the brand. In fact, there are plenty of CELINE pieces I absolutely love. I’m also not against branded hats in general. I just expect more from a luxury purchase. I expect great design, beautiful craftsmanship, and originality.

I do absolutely LOVE this new CELINE tote. Back to their roots. This bag is so gorgeous. So chic. It is perfection. I, however, cannot buy it because I just spent a ton of money on my facelift.

Tradeoffs. Some people choose high fashion and I choose a surgically tighter jawline. If you're lucky enough not to have to choose, then bless you. I am simply not one of you.

Next up on my hit list is a major YSL transgression that I see everywhere. Stay tuned. However, coming next month is some more facelift content including a recovery shopping hit list and a detail of facelift sutures. There will be lots of juicy photos and lots of doctor interviews around this topic. If you have not upgraded to paid yet…what are you waiting for?

Also, if you are surgeon shopping don’t forget The Girlfriend’s Guide To The Ultimate Facelift Consult, check out the latest Allure piece, and I have started doing consults for a dozen or so readers, contact me if you are interested.